Growing up in the 70s, you can be sure that my sister and I had
Underoos – the underwear that’s fun to wear.
With Underoos, underwear was no longer boring – you could pretend to be
Batgirl, Supergirl and the best of all, Wonder Woman. Sometimes, you just danced around in your
underwear, but if you had to put clothes on, you could still feel like a
superhero with your Underoos underneath.
And FYI: They now make these for
adults, so you can still feel like a superhero under your clothes (or just
dancing around in your underwear at home).
Sometimes you need that extra superhero confidence, that feeling that
you are powerful and can do anything.
This past year, I could have used a new pair of
Underoos. My life this past year or so
has been heavy on transitions. The
biggest transition of course is becoming single after having been married for a
long time. But how does one “do” single?
Do you get a discount card? (Apparently
not!) I was single before, when I was in
my 20s. But now, I’m in my 40s and
nearly everyone I know is married and/or has families. I am single -- single single. I don’t even have kids. So it is just me now and it feels kind of odd. Having been married for 16 years, I’m used to
having “my person” there at home, my touchstone. Not that I’m looking to get remarried right
away, but I think we all need that touchstone person (or people), we need to
check in with others, to make sure that someone knows we’re ok (or not), that
someone knows we’re alive and happy (or not), someone to tell our weird stories
to.
There are some benefits to being single though. One of the nicest things about being single is
that I don’t have to be accountable to anyone.
I go where I want, when I want, for as long as I want, without checking
in or worrying about someone else worrying. But, it is a little too much alone time, even
for a serious introvert like me. So, the most important thing I have learned to
do is say yes. I decided that anytime
anyone suggests some sort of outing, I will always say, “Yes, I’d love
to!” When you are married, you always
say, “Well, let me see.“ But now, if I
don’t say yes, I will just end up at home, sitting alone, talking to cats. So, you want to go to see the world’s largest
cuckoo clock? Why, yes, I’d love to!
Other Benefits of being single:
1.
You can eat ice cream right out of the carton
every time with absolutely no guilt.
2.
No one else “accidentally” eats your leftovers
from the Mexican restaurant.
3.
You can eat popcorn for dinner and no one cares.
4.
When you go to the store, you can buy whatever
you want and not worry about what someone else might think (no judging!).
5.
You get the whole bed!!!!! J
6.
You get to decide about every single show on TV
with no compromises.
7.
You always get the last cookie.
Disadvantages of being single:
1.
You have to do everything yourself (this one
really sucks!) – clean the house, do the dishes, mow the lawn, do the laundry,
vacuum, take care of the cars, take care of the pets, go to the store, pay the
bills . . . (and on and on and on).
2.
No one to talk to at home but animals (which
might explain why one posts quite a bit on social media!)
3.
You cannot buy a whole bag of clementines and
eat them before they shrivel up.
4.
You cannot easily use “buy one, get one free”
coupons at dinner, unless you take a friend.
5.
Cooking for yourself leaves you with a lot
of leftovers (lasagna – for the fifth time this week), so you just don’t do
it.
6.
If you want to go out and do something with
someone, you have to actually ask and convince someone to do it (whereas with a
spouse, you can guilt them into it).
7.
You have to make all decisions yourself – good or
bad, it all comes back to you.
But the worst of all -- If there is a dead animal, you must
dispose of it yourself!!!!!! (Gag, shiver)
Over the
last several months, I have done many empowering things to take back control of
my life -- physically, emotionally, etc.
I feel like I have been doing really well at completing the single woman
checklist. I have bought a new car by
myself, refinanced my house by myself, started some remodeling projects on my
house, but those are small feats compared to what I did last week. I am newly single, but have always been very
independent and hate to ask for help -- I have always just done everything
myself, and I can do many things competently. However, I always throw in the
towel when it comes to dead animals. I cannot, WILL NOT, deal with dead animals. One time, my cat brought me a
dead bat, but I was home alone. I thought I could take it to the trash. Nope. I
just threw a newspaper over top of it and waited for then-spouse to get home.
Well, last week, I had a big dead blue jay on the front porch -- it's like it
was a test -- the final test to get my official
single woman credentials. I left it out
there for a day thinking it might disappear on its own. Nope. OK – there’s only
me to do it. First, I consulted with Dad, who laughed (!), then pulled on some
rubber gloves, grabbed multiple plastic bags, scooped up and finally disposed
of said-dead-bird. Single woman checklist: Dead animal disposal -- complete!
So, if there isn’t some sort of single
woman discount card, I still want some sort of token to express my new status
in life. When you are married, you wear
rings – this is the symbol, this is the clue to everyone else that you are
married. When you are single, what is
your symbol? Just not wearing wedding
rings? No. I needed something more. When I was out with my mother one time this
fall, we found ourselves in a store that had a lot of fun costume jewelry. My mom, who has a more flamboyant style than
I, convinced me to buy an enormous ring.
If you know me, you know that I wear very little jewelry, but if I do,
it’s pretty understated. This ring is
not at all modest, actually it’s kind of the opposite of the rings I used to
wear, but something about it appealed to me.
It is massive (takes up a good portion of my finger) and has various
colorful stones in an asymmetrical pattern.
This ring is unique and somehow when I put it on, I felt powerful. In fact, I decided that it would be my superhero
ring. If I needed to feel powerful, I
could put this on. It’s like when I wore
the Underoos when I was a kid. Whether
I’m making major life decisions or just cleaning up cat barf, the new me, the
new single me, has made a
change. I do feel powerful, I feel in
control. I don’t always need to wear my
new special ring or my Wonder Woman t-shirt (also an important token) to feel
that way, but they are good reminders of who I am now. I feel like I now have my single woman
credentials and I can deal with anything else that comes my way. Wonder Woman status achieved.
No comments:
Post a Comment